Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
