the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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