you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
