Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize