Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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