i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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