you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
