So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
this hospital has no fireball
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize