So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
hell yes lets make some ravioli
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
