My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
