So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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