he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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