theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
