Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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