no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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