I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
