Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
