shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize