imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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