Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
