I accidentally burped into my bong.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
