She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
