I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
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