You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
