my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
