Ambien. No doubt about it.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We were destined to go to rehab together
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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