a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize