help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
