She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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