I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
