So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
