Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
