I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
