...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
