Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
