The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
