I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
