i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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