just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
