I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
