Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
