That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Someone signed my nipple.
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