I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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