the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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