i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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