I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize