I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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