i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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