Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize