The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
