oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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