I wish I could teleport
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
