i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
