One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
