I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
