Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
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