great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
dude i'm inner monologue high
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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