If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
