please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
