I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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