so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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