If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
