My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
