don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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