do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
