don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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