I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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