Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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