I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
