haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
