I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
